


The Quiet

by Anonymous_Username



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Autistic Character, Autistic James Potter, Autistic Meltdown, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marauders, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2020-01-04 10:00:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18341390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymous_Username/pseuds/Anonymous_Username
Summary: James Potter is not good with change.





	The Quiet

James' parents take him to a lot of wizard business events as a kid. At first it goes horribly, but James soon learns how to act around grown ups and keeps his "childishness" down. 

When he goes to Hogwarts he immediately likes 3 things, Sirius Black, Lily Evans, and quidditch. Both he and Sirius have been taught from a young age that children are to be seen and not heard so James info-dumps to Sirius like a secret. So James whispers about quidditch strategies and Lilly's hair in the sun in the safety beneath the canopy of Sirius' bed.

James goes through quills at an enormous rate because he chews on them. That is, until a teacher calls him out for his "disgusting habit" in class. After that, he starts biting his nails instead of his quills, he just needs the stimulation. It's the only thing that can keep him in his skin. He bites them until they ache and bleed, making writing slow and difficult. 

Sirius starts chewing his quills in class, obnoxious and over the top like always. The teachers all protest but Sirius just grins around the chewed up tip. James smiles behind him, small and secret. His nails finally grow back out a few weeks later.

When Peter and Remus join the group they both start helping in their own ways. Remus enchants two quills to turn them chewy; one for James and one for Sirius, who has taken a new liking to all the shades of green he can turn Professor Flitwick. Peter shyly hands James a child's snitch (so that it won't fly too far away) for him to have something to do with his hands during class. James is never seen without it after that.

\----

James' autism, because that's what is is according to Remus' muggle medical textbook, doesn't interfere with their mischief until third year. That's when Sirius suggests they set off fireworks in the Great Hall. 

But It's too much, too loud, too bright, too much too much too much too-

James has a meltdown under the Gryffindor table and he's never felt more ashamed.

Sirius tries to help but James starts to scream uncontrollably at Sirius' touch. James is sobbing almost as loud as the fireworks and it's a miracle only Sirius notices him. The thought causes him to cry harder, and then Remus and Peter are climbing under the table and it's so much worse.

Then suddenly, silence.  
And bright green eyes.

Dimly he's aware that Lily is breathing exaggeratedly and he copies her unconsciously. He loses track of time breathing with Lily, until he notices that his hearing has returned and 

Lily is speaking, "Shhhh, ok, you're ok now."

He nods numbly and she smiles, he remembers then how much he loves her smile.

"Silencing charm, it's good in a pinch when you're feeling trapped."

James knows then that he will marry her one day.

\----

The trouble starts the day James catches Sirius staring just a little too long at Remus after he finishes talking. It was such a small gesture on such an unimportant day that it makes all the difference. 

Something clicks for James; Sirius likes Remus as more than a friend. James starts to pay more attention to Remus' reactions and comes to the conclusion that their feelings for each other are mutual. 

James hates to admit how scared he is about the possible shift in dynamics, he's scared of things changing, but even more scared to speak up about it. He just lets the fear of change and the stress of not being able to confide in his best friend eat away at him.

He stops teasing Evans.  
He doesn't feel like editing the map.  
He says he's too tired to go exploring at night, he has too much homework.

Obviously, this makes Sirius incredibly worried. He decides that desperate times call for desperate measures. He knows that only Evans really knows how to read James' moods and calm him down, so Sirius goes to her, but she's just as clueless as he is on why he seems so upset.

James is furious when he finds out that Sirius talked to Lily behind his back, further changing the dynamic. Sirius never talks to Lily, he hates her! James can't bring himself to speak to Sirius at all after Peter told him about the talk with Lily, which soon spirals into James going completely non verbal, stuck.

(In reality Sirius was always jealous of how Lily always had James' love and attention which he thought she didn't deserve, well, except when she was useful as was this case.)

Sirius finally decides he has had enough of James' silence. Half mad with worry themselves, Remus and Peter watch as Sirius yells his frustrations at a silent James. When Sirius finally stops yelling, voice hoarse and vision blurred with tears, about to storm away, James finally lets out a low, wounded grunt. It was the first noise he uttered in weeks. He let out another deep grunt, then another, Sirius then realizes that they're sobs. But Sirius was angry and impulsive and hurt and he storms out anyway, leaving James in a curled up ball of loud, inhuman sobs and violent shakes.

Remus and Peter eventually call Lily, who finally manages to calm him down a bit. They all try to get an explanation out of James, but he just keeps chanting "no" over and over uncontrollably. When James come back to himself fully, he apologizes over and over to his friends, and Evans, as he always does (even though they always insist that it was no trouble). Still he doesn't tell them why he's still so upset.

\----

Sirius finally comes back to the dorms late that night, only to find James waiting up for him.

"I'm sorry" James says, his voice hoarse and painful sounding around the sincere remorse in his tone.

Sirius glares at the dark figure of James sitting on Sirius' bed; just like old times under the heavy canopy.

"Explain" is all Sirius can muster, because he's still so angry but he needs to hear an explanation from his best friend.

It's owed to him.

"I'm so sorry Pads, I just, I noticed how you were with our Moony and I was scared that things would change,"

Sirius blinks, "what are you on about mate?"

"I know you fancy Moony," and then in a much softer tone "please don't leave me."

Despite the fact that the last part was mumbled Sirius still catches it. He sits down on the bed next to James and lets out a wet little chuckle.

"You know I like Moons and you're scared of ME leaving YOU?"

Both boys burst into laughter at the sudden realization of the absurdity of their situation. They quickly stifled themselves, mindful of the other sleeping forms in the room. The two boys hug and promise to always be together.

Unbeknownst to them Remus Lupin lies awake all night long.


End file.
